Yelp! Restaurant Reviewers Say the Darndest Things

Everyone's a critic when it comes to online restaurant reviews. Which can lead to some hilarious bloopers

Everyone’s a critic when it comes to online restaurant reviews. Which can lead to some hilarious bloopers

When researching potential places to eat and drink during my long, intensive road-food trips, I spend considerable time reading online reviews from TripAdvisor, Yelp, Zomato (nee Urbanspoon) and their ilk.

Occasionally, I run across some unintended zingers, often the result of a fortuitous spelling mistake, no doubt committed while typing with thick thumbs on a smartphone with a mind of its own. So here, for your consuming pleasure, are some of my favourite online reviews. The sources shall remain anonymous, to protect the guilty. Comments in italics are mine.

The coffee here is excellent, which is likely the most important thing about a coffee shop (lol)… for me personally, I’m not a coffee drinker.

I only had iced tea (preceding a six-paragraph, five-star review).

Full disclosure (after a lengthy review): I did not eat here.

The hours are kind of strange, as they close before a person under 60 would even consider eating dinner….I wish this place were a Filiberto’s style late-night place, but alas, I’ll be forced to eat here sober.

I don’t feel right writing about a bakery because I rarely eat bread and don’t have much of a sweet tooth (in the midst of a five-paragraph review).

I wanted a cheap and delicious hole-in-the-wall fish-n-chips find but all I found was the hole-in-the-wall.

(Menu item): IRISH STEAL OATMEAL. Was this during the potato famine?

Anyway, I’m sorry that my Yelp OCD compels me to post this entirely useless review! End of a six-paragraph review of a pizza joint, where he was too drunk to remember what he ordered

One of the cooks there used to be incarserated at the prison where I had worked and was making the same animal noises twords me as he did in the prison, which I felt was very inapprropriate for a restuante.

Good food, grate atmosphere

They have more healthy options like bison mean. Gored help you if you don’t like it

I had, perhaps, the worst sandwich of my life at this place. All that aside, this is a great bakery (4-star review).

When you have thousands of reviews for just one bakery, there's bound to be some gems

When you have thousands of reviews for just one bakery, there’s bound to be some gems

The only downside to this hidden gem is that it isn’t a franchise.

My favorite food is hamburgers and I consider myself a comasure. Or maybe the burgers put you into a coma, for sure

I eat my steak rare, and this was tough, grizzly

I love pie, but my husband doesn’t. But, since he loves me, we stopped anyway. (At the attached motel:) The old guy on reception was uninterested in anything but the credit card. You would get a headache using the pool, as it has no water in it.

The elk had a taste of game, but well done.

Salt Lake City menu: Served with black beans, rich of the day, and tortillas. Only 1% fat

Great place if you like deli sandwiches. They’re big enough for 2 or tree people.

The food (omelette, and fired-egg breakfast) definitely hit the spot with us. Couldn’t get out of the way in time

Friendly stuff, worm environment.

The price for a sandwich is more than fare.

This place tends to be really busy during meal hours.

The owner makes everything and swears the details.

I’m giving this brewery 5 stars because it looked like a brewery I would have enjoyed.

Totally to dive for.

The muscles where delicious!

Surly a place everyone will enjoy. As long as you’re not in a good mood.

Our serve wrecked of booze from the night before.

Of all these doozies, here are my winners:

  1. The only downside to this hidden gem is that it isn’t a franchise.
  1. This place tends to be really busy during meal hours.
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3 thoughts on “Yelp! Restaurant Reviewers Say the Darndest Things

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